Amber has a blog

This is Devin.

And this is Amber. From the side.


She was the girl that was fated to be Nolan' lover and wife. Take a look at some past posts here and remind yourself why Nolans not dating/using her anymore. They had a good fling but it was fated to die eventually(try three weeks). Unfortunately, the ones who lost the most out of Nolan's and Amber's relationship was neither Nolan or Amber. It was the Nerd Night posse. Many a gossip was left ungossipped just because selfish Nolan was unsatisfied with his romance life. Just think of the activities that never happened: doorknob ditching Amber's house, writing more numerous breakup notes, making Amber sock puppets, and even charade's night where everyone does their best impression of Amber from the back; the list of potential fun is almost as long as Amber's phone directory. Way to go Nolan, did you ever know that your suffering inspired joy into your companions?

Anyways recently I discovered that Amber has a blog. It is called delicious baked goods and features life anecdotes of Amber herself. Don't tell her I know this. I don't want her reading this blog.
Who knows though, if you all go to her blog and read some crap then sooner or later she may re-enter our life(in spirit only hopefully) and then we can all plan Amber themed activities to do with our friends. To help Amber resurrect herself into our life I will provide to you Nolan's email address. Go to delicious baked goods and anonymously write sinpumpkin@gmail.com fifty times in the comments section. I will thank you in advance.
Chow.

Nolan's Unbridled Jealousy

Though Nolan makes a good case for Devin's and my alleged relationship, I am more than able to refute his accusations. Furthermore, I can prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that Nolan is a jealous, lonely little man who only wishes he got along as well with Amber, his (girl)friend, as Devin and I do as regular friends. Eat your heart out law-school junkies, Kimber is about to get judicial on Nolan's ass.

"They always have overly friendly conversations."

Devin and I have friendly conversations because we understand social cues and norms. We have similar interests, and on any given day neither of us smell too badly, so we can make it a full twelve minutes before calling each other a "butt". This is how normal friendships work, Nolan. Take notes.

"They always plan and talk mainly with each other, even though other friends are around like me, robot, or ferret."

A bit of explanation for our non-us readers: robot and ferret are our Nerd Night compadres. Nerd Night is a very sophisticated weekly event with the most intelligent of activities and only the most refined conversations. Onward.

We talk mainly with each other on the subjects only Devin and I are interested in. We've also ignored each other to talk to Robot or Ferret when we didn't have a mutual interest in the subject. Nolan really doesn't come to Nerd Night that often because he's busy not dating Amber, so what he doesn't realize is that the four of us usually spend Nerd Night talking about him and his weird red hair. This is a little awkward for Devin, who has the same red hair, but we compensate by letting him borrow The Office DVDs.

"When kimber is alone she always whispers the name: Devin. (I know! I hid a camera in kimber's room. Don't ask me why, I won't tell you)."

I found that camera in my room. I cut out the shots of me undressing and put in a shot of Nancy Pelosi undressing. I got it off the internet at a political fetish site. The lady had to do something to earn her campaign money. What worries me is that Nolan hasn't said anything about it, but I'm pretty sure he's been drooling over that footage for a month. Maybe he's into that sort of thing. I hope Amber knows.
As to whispering the name Devin, I've been trying to swear less recently, so I've been replacing "damn it" with "Devin". Saying Devin's name also helps me to blame him for everything that goes wrong in my life, which makes me feel better. I find spreading blame around to be a very effective coping skill.

"Devin has a secret stash of kimber pictures under his bed, (that I don't know about)."

Of course Nolan doesn't know about Devin's box of pictures of me, because he's too busy going through his box of Nancy Pelosi pictures. I think there could possibly be some Hillary Clinton ones thrown in there too. Additionally, Amber might have snuck in a few pictures of herself, but I think Nolan used those up that time he had too much fiber and ran out of toilet paper. What Nolan also doesn't know is that the pictures of me are all copies of the same picture, and on the back of that same picture is my film acting resume (first film credit: young girl in The 4th Witness. Sweet Success!). Devin has these because he is my agent and has been working hard for the last nine and a half years to get me my Oscar-winning role. He hasn't quite done it yet, but I'm sure he will. He has gotten me a few roles in some pornos, but I've had to turn those down because of my extreme nudophobia. (This isn't true, I actually have no shame and have shocked my doctor by being butt naked and fully prepared for a physical (most girls apparently hem and haw about lifting their shirt a little so the doctor can listen to their breathing with that cool doctor thingy) the truth is that I wanted more money, and the porno people wanted bigger breasts. It just didn't work out.)

"Devin always allows Kimber to color his works of art even though she sucks at coloring; and usually ruins his art."

This is just a blatant lie. I am awesome at coloring. Sometimes my work has been slightly sub-par because some of my colored pencils suck, but overall I think I'm very good at coloring. Really, it's the only aspect of art I have any real interest in. Nolan just wishes he had my wicked sweet coloring skills. On a side note, I couldn't really work in a dig about Amber in this retort, so I'll just say [in a sing-song, playground voice] "Nolan and Amber, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!"

"Devin always compliments kimber to the Nth degree. He said that she was a better colorer than Amber, This is actually very untrue, Kimber leaves a bunch of white marks when using colored pencil. Amber does not."

I've addressed Nolan's wildly untrue accusations about my coloring skills in my previous statement. As to Devin complimenting me, I'll admit that our friendship is not based solely on insults, but they do comprise at least 60%. For evidence, please see the blog post for September 11, 2008, titled "I thought about deleting The Ghetto Film Contest but I want it to act as a monument to laziness". Additionally, I am a much better colorist than Amber, though I'll admit that she is much better at stalking than I am.

"Well I'm done telling the TRUTH for now, but in the future expect posts on a future wedding."

I think I've satisfactorily shown that the "truth" Nolan is telling is little more than the twisted workings of a deranged mind. I do, however, believe that there will be news of a wedding soon. I've heard Amber's going to propose.

AMBER!!!!

This is Kimber. Here is the wonderful letter I wrote for Nolan to give to his girlfriend Amber, because he wanted to break up with her but had a hard time doing it. I thought it was a work of art, but apparently Nolan wanted to do the "mature" thing and break up with her face to face, so we still have the letter.


By the way, I don't think breaking up with her face to face really worked, because she still hangs out with him, brings him food, and stands way too close to him when they're talking. Good luck getting out of that, Nolan.

I don't really have much else to say, except that I still have a lot of homework to do and a couple of reports to write for my work. Man, I'm going to be up all night.

A post about monsters and psychology

Apologies for postponing posting the note to Amber. I was seriously going to do it tonight. Nolan decided to invite her over though and that destroyed all my plans(she's still here too). No joke: I was scanning her envelope to the note into the computer when she strutted through the door, wouldn't leave and invited her friend Holly over. Then Nolan went to bed and left me to be the bad host. I'm stuck with two girls who are boring as hell and won't go home. They think that we're going to do something "fun". Well. Amber is coloring a picture I drew. I don't think she is as good as Kimber but she's still decent. Here it is.


Here is also another page from my notes. This time it's from Psychology. Please click.


P.S. I promise I will get the amber post up soon. Wait we haven't even told you about Amber and Nolan yet. You have no idea what I'm talking about what I mention "the note to Amber" and other such drivel. He he he. Your in for something awesome. Stay tuned.