Why I Hate My Summer

Kimber complains

1. I’m in school. Summer can’t be enjoyed when one has to attend class and complete homework.

2. My clothes smell weird. I think it has something to do with my dog, or the fact that I air dry them, and so they’re getting moldy.

3. The sun is too hot. I know that without it we’d die, but it’s gotten a little too enthusiastic about providing light and heat for the world.

4. I don’t know what to do after graduation. My parents have questioned me enough about future plans that I now no longer look forward to being free from school, but only dread the real life responsibilities of finding a job, getting health insurance, and getting up at a reasonable time every morning.

5. Certain people. Certain people have gone crazy with power after certain people’s parents left for Europe. Certain people think they are the center of the universe merely by merit of going to work even though it’s summer time, but certain people also suck at taking responsibility for anything they won’t be applauded or paid for.

6. White guilt. I don’t know why, but in two out of my three classes, the unspoken title of the class seems to be “A Seminar in Why Whitey Sucks”. My professors and classmates both have an inability to study ethnic or minority literature without reveling in white guilt. However, they do it with an air of superiority for being able to recognize their privileged lives, and then go home satisfied that they have been smugly apologetic for the difficulties of troubled peoples. I just end up feeling miserable because of my pasty skin and supposed resulting racism.

7. Weeds. They grow faster than I can pull them, and Spartacus thinks that I’m playing a game every time I do yard work, so not only do I have to pull weeds, I have to simultaneously play fetch with my dog so he won’t drag the unwanted plants around the yard, thus causing them to take root again.

8. Utilities. I don’t have an air conditioner, and my upstairs neighbor does, yet she still insists on splitting utilities right down the middle, even though she keeps the AC on full blast in the dead of night when even a polar bear would be comfortable with the outside temperature.

9. Memory lapses. I don’t remember a lot of things anymore, like when my sisters ask me to do something, when I make plans for the future, or when I’m trying to complete basic household tasks. I blame the heat, but it could very possibly be early onset Alzheimer’s.

10. No vacations. Isn’t summer all about vacations? It’s called summer vacation, yet because of school, I am unable to go on weekend jaunts, road trips, family visits, or even personal retreats. The closest things I’ve gotten to a vacation since February was when my phone died and I found a candy bar behind my ramen supply.

Murder is Bad

Devin

Why are there so many murderers out there in the world? Like teachers that murder your motivation. Or directors that murder the film industry. Or even real murderers that kill people.
But the main thing I think want to know is, why do so many people suck and not realize it? Like Paris Hilton; although she's rich so she doesn't care I guess. But there are others who just have mediocre personalities, like almost every student at BYU or UVU. Geez, it's gotten so bad that when I tell people I plan on going back to college they ask me, "Oh which school? BYU or UVU?" Has it ever occurred to you that I could want to take the easy, cheap route and go to Snow, or Dixie or something? In fact lately I've been thinking about MATC, since they are cheap and have the classes I want. I have no idea where this post is going.

For a wrap up, I challenge everyone to come up with a list of murdering bitches in the comments below. Have fun.

Here is a funny video of a real murderer. No I don't indorse real murder

UPDATE: you have to click on the link, then click on the link that shows up. Don't panic

I'm Waiting for Life to Shower Me with Meaning and Happiness

Kimber wishes.

It's the first day of school, and I've spent the entire day looking through class descriptions and majors, trying to find something easier. I'm an English major, which is pretty easy, but there are a lot of books to read, and almost as many papers to write. I suppose I should have spent the first day paying attention, networking, forming study groups, and getting an early start on the reading, but that would involve work, and I consider my work done for the day by the mere fact that I got out of bed and came to school.

I think I've always looked for an easier way out of things. When I first started in band I wanted to play the trumpet rather than the saxophone because basic logic says that three keys must be easier to learn than twenty-three. That proved to be untrue (though I had to do a lot of sluething to find this out, as we only owned a saxophone and it's hard to qualitatively measure personal experience against another's testimony).

In any case, I spent today looking for an easier way to get a Bachelors, but there really isn't one, unless I'm very rich and able to just hire somebody else to go to class for me and do the work. If I were rich, that is surely what I'd do, but I'm not, so I can't.

Since the class in which I was trying to avoid work is now over; to sum up: I'm lazy, school is hard, I'm not rich, and despite all of these things I expect to have a degree in April and find a high-paying job which I enjoy, no matter how little I deserve these things. In short, rather than work for anything, I'm waiting for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

A humble suggestion for improving college

This is Devin. If you have been following our posts then you already know I go to a university called UVU. If you haven't been following that's ok but keep reading.

So the other day i was strolling nonchalantly down the butt-ridden halls of said UVU and I spotted a suggestion box for the Student Government. Immediately this inspired some serious suggestions for UVU that would definitely improve everyone's overall college experience. Here is the first suggestion that I wrote. Take it seriously and maybe one day it could happen.






By the way right now we are holding a poll on what you want to be posted. Whatever gets the most votes will actually be posted. And yes I know this can be rigged. So what.

Bleagh!

Ung. Here is something. Look upon it and laugh since this is a picture of my Graphic Novel teacher that is about to rape an unlucky student. That's all for now. My name is Devin and all I ever do is post pictures. Screw writing.

Technology is Now My Friend, but My Fellow Students Aren't

This is Kimber. I have a new computer. Not new as in it was going to be thrown away so my dad gave it to me, new as in brand spanking new with no previous owner. New as in I'm the first one to touch it. New as in the newest, most expensive piece of technological equipment I've ever owned (that's pretty sad, considering it's a $450 laptop). I would now like everyone to stand up and do a happy dance with me. Go on, now, nobody's looking, and this is a joyous, joyous day.

The best part about my new computer is its size. Go to a bookstore or library, go into the history section, and pick up any medium-sized paperback. What you are holding is both heavier and larger than my new computer. Some people think it might be hard to type on such a small thing, but I have tiny hands. Some people think that it might be easy to lose, but I'm OCD. Some people may think it's a pathetic excuse for a computer, but I think it's adorable and perfectly capable of everything I need it to do. The only trouble is that the shift key is oddly placed, but I have faith I'll overcome that with enough practice.

What this means for you, dear reader, is lots more blogs from your favorite writer: yours truly. I can now blog in class while I'm pretending to take notes. I can now carry my computer everywhere with me and so blog whenever the impulse takes me. I can now compete with Devin's awesome little Mac. Actually, I can't; Macs are still better, but they're a hell of a lot more expensive.

Now that I've fully exhausted a topic in which only I had interest in the first place, we'll move on.

I hate group projects. Hate them. I'm in college, I think I've moved past the "make a presentation with a bunch of people you have nothing in common with other than the fact that you all needed this class for graduation" stage. I'm an adult, come on. This doesn't deter any of my teachers though, they still keep assigning group projects like they're going out of style (they are).

My latest frustration with this front is my British Literary History class which has us doing presentations on Spenser's Faerie Queen. The girls in my group are nice, but they're putting way too much work into it. I knew that this was going to be an arduous process at best, so I practically finished the presentation myself before we even met to talk about it. This didn't help though; we still spent an hour and a half talking about what the different characters represent and how that works into the overall allegory, even though Spenser himself clearly states what everything is supposed to mean at the beginning of the story.

To add insult to injury, a mentally handicapped girl came up to us and started telling us all about how much she loved the movie Titanic, and how much she hated the movie High School Musical. My group mates smiled at her, then ditched me, leaving me along to agree that Titanic was a magical movie one should never have to outgrow.

In short, I hate every single stupid person in my class except the professor, who is pretty smart, and even she gets a little hate for making us work in groups. Also, I'm supposed to go to Lisa's house to watch Titanic on Friday. We're going to make macaroni pictures afterward.