Sunday, September 27, 2009

Why I Like My Great Grandma

Kimber explains.

As you all probably know, my family is filled with screwed-up characters. While most of them get crazier as they age, a few get better. One of these is my Great Grandma Constable. She used to be mean, judgmental, and unforgiving, but now that she's old and forgetful, she's happy with everything. I come once a week to count out her pills and organize them for her in a pill case, and she's always happy to see me, grateful for my help, and completely understanding of any mistakes I make. I wish more people could age like her.

Here is a picture, but not of her. It's of my Great-great Grandma Teofila.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Picture Time

I have pictures for you, though they may not make sense.

This is Spartacus eating a corn cob. I just think he's cute.

This is the Segway cop that was policing the rodeo at the state fair. He had a loaded gun on him and everything. It was pretty cool, until he heard me snickering about his Segway. The look he gave me wasn't cool at all.

Here, Caralee and her new boytoy Joey are wearing the underwear that she bought at the fair on their heads. Such a cute couple, no?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

State Fair and New Blogs

Yesterday I went to the state fair. There's really nothing to report, except that my parents wouldn't buy me a wiggle car (I would post a picture, but I'm lazy, so google it). Additionally, I felt bad for the salespeople, because mostly the old ones were the ones that weren't doing any business, and they were the ones that reminded me most of Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman. I would have bought something to cheer them up, but I didn't have any money, and their products really were crap.

Since all my efforts to remember the password to the Nerd Night blog have been fruitless, I've simply set up a new one. The address is:
and I've already written the first entry. Better yet, it's kept under this account, so there are three people who know the password. Now I just hope we don't get collective amnesia.

Friday, September 4, 2009

We Are Now Copy Cats. Lazy Ones.

Kimber gives up on originality.

As all two of our readers probably know by now, we here at Time To Wipe The Crack are big fans of Since I haven't been able to think of anything to blog about, but have suffered through a number of ironic coincidences recently, I thought I'd try writing some fmylife entries here on our blog. I would submit them to the real page, but I'm afraid of failure.

Just a note: not all of these things happened today, but it was close enough.

Today, I was visiting my great-grandmother in her nursing home. An old man on the elevator had blue tennis balls on the legs of his walker instead of green ones. I didn't think before I said, "I like your blue balls". FML.

Today, I sleptwalked early in the morning and wandered around rearranging my towels. I also left a lit candle on the edge of the toilet seat. I have only the foggiest memory of doing this, and have no idea why I felt it needed to be done. I hope I haven't done anything else in my sleep. FML.

Today, my sisters were tormenting my dog, who is afraid of the dark and non carpeted floors, by pushing him onto a concrete floor and turning the lights out. I intervened to rescue him, and he peed all down my front. FML.