Sunday, June 29, 2008

Monstrous Momentary Pleasure

This is Kimber i have no boyfriend, and i'm single.  i'm willing to go out with any boy that has money and balls i can kick. 

Actually this is Nolan, the above statement i made is actually very true. So if there are any lonely desperate guys out there I just wanna let you know that Kimber puts out good.  If you wanna date her then just send me $50.00 via check or cash to get her phone number and address.  She's waiting for you guys, hint hint wink wink.

Okay i'm done with my sales pitch. I think when kimber reads this i'll probably regret it in the future. Little does she know i actually live for the present, and $50.00 is an easy pleasure i can live with now.  

On a side note I saw this hot chick/lifeguard last week at seven peaks water park, I couldn't help but notice how sad she looked around at all the people swimming in the lazy river while she was walking around in the hot sun making sure no one would be stupid and drown.  (it crossed my mind to fake drown, but that idea was just too silly). To cheer her up I cat called her and offered to take her on a date. It brought a smile to her face and that momentary pleasure alone was enough to make my day.... until she called security and i was arrested for being a little bold. (they said it was harassment, but i would have really taken her on a date if she said yes, i was being completely serious).

heres a video with some kid making out with a monster, that's Kimber who pokes her head in rudely and says: "that's hot"  
video

Thursday, June 26, 2008

New Apartment and New Projects

So Nolan, me and two dudes named Aaron and Douglas moved into this joint together.  We previously knew Aaron pretty well, but this Douglas was a new person.  Douglas is alright I guess. He really likes video games.  A lot.  That doesn't bug me though.  Video games are okay.  

The thing that really eats at me is the fact that Douglas has a gf.  A GIRLFRIEND.  And he just barely met her, like a week ago.  That just doesn't make sense to me(or Nolan or Aaron for that matter; we're all single).  Maybe I'll never understand.  If you can tell me why this is so then please comment.  Unless you're Douglas.  Then don't comment.  But feel free to fill out the poll on the right.  

Anywhoo.  Like the title says, I have a new project to work on.  My cousin Arthur Petersen(who also has a blog, look on my bloglist) apparently recorded some songs and now wants me to make some animated music videos for him.  I'm pretty excited.  Except I do have a pretty bad problem.  Since I did just move out barely, I have no tracing table to make animations with.  I may have a solution to this eventually but for now I am stuck.  So if anyone out there in internet land has any suggestions then please post them.  

The video below is what happened to my car several months ago.  I still haven't fixed it.  At the end of the video you can see one of my sisters burying a dead body.  
video

P.S. Kimber, remember to put labels on your posts.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Superheros and Girls

Let me just begin this post by saying that I am a feminist. Not a femi-nazi, just a feminist. This is Nolan. No, just kidding, it's Kimber. Onward.

I have a problem with the way women are depicted in most superhero movies. They are always worried about their main man's safety, able to help him, but never able enough to understand the big picture, and they're always gorgeous. Really, you think if the Hulk had a girlfriend that put up with him despite his inability to master a simple anger management course, she would be completely understanding and drop dead beautiful? I don't think so. She'd probably either have one hell of a temper herself, or else have some sort of physical drawback, such as a flat chest, or mousey hair. Instead, they cast Liv Tyler, who has neither of those things; quite the opposite.

I'd like to see a superhero movie in which the female love interest isn't all that interested in whether or not her man makes it out alive. Or even one where she's not that interested in him. Not mean, just not interested. Maybe there should be some female roles where the woman is more concerned about what she can do to help save the city, rather than whether or not the hero will be in any significant danger. Really, I'd be satisfied with a ditsy love interest that didn't grasp the situation at all and only wondered what was causing that huge traffic jam.

The main point I'm trying to make is that women in superhero movies are insufferably cliched, more so than most superhero movies themselves. Think about it. We now have two options for the attitude of the superhero; he is either a bad ass that experiences a change of heart, or is in some way convinced to use his powers for the greater good, or we have the suffering emo-boy who was given a cross to bear and is determined to bear it, no matter what the personal toll. As far as villains go, we can either have a villain that worked with the hero before his transformation as a friend, but then became his enemy, the villain that has somehow gotten a hold of the hero's power and has perverted it to serve his own evil means so the hero ends up fighting a more sinister version of himself, or a personal, well, hero of the hero that has somehow turned evil through grief, bitterness, or love of money and power.

All of the elements above are limited, but can be combined anyway the film makers like. However, a tiring constant is the love interest. She's always there, but never involved aside from pressing a button that her boyfriend has directed her to as part of his master plan. The women in these movies are symbols only of what the hero is giving up in order to be a hero. Instead of being at home with his one-dimensional wife, he's out fighting crime because, damn it, that's what a man does. I'd rather not see women in the film at all than to see such lifeless renderings of them, but Hollywood keeps churning them out because they're part of the formula, another name to add to the poster, and a reason for girls to see the movie in the first place.

Hollywood, I've got news for you. I go for the superhero, not to see a love story. I want to see blood and guts and action tempered only by a few comic moments. Until you find some real girls, leave them out of it.

P.S. My computer dream team may be no match for the almighty Mac, but at least using our combined powers we can go on a rant the likes of which Nolan and Devin have never seen.

Friday, June 20, 2008

mosquitos ar'nt the only thing that make you itch

Hey this is Nolan, also known as Noley.  Today i would like to talk about a sensitive subject that most human beings struggle with continually:  Itchy rashes. 
Lately the heat and long boarding has given me this really obnoxious twinge that will not go away until the tips of my fingers roughly scrape and drag to get rid of the tickle. or better yet: Painful tickle.  This has created a serious problem for me in public. In other words: It is not dashing or charming to see a 22 year old man stick his fingers somewhere random on his body and move them in a quick forward and back motion, while his face, (or hers talking from Kimber's perspective) perks up with the purest of ecstasy. 
Yesterday was also somewhat problematic considering I was with my friends and that annoying "twinge"  popped up out of no where to torment my life. So obviously being a male and not thinking I scratched my butt. It dawned on me a little to late that itching a rash is like crossing the street: you look left, then right, make sure no ones waiting behind you, and if it's all clear you go for it. The issue is I went for it first, and then looked left to see someone looking right at me but pretending not to notice my embarressing position. 
actually im just kidding, i don't have a rash on my butt... Honest.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I am injured

This is Devin.  I said once in a previous post title that I like to longboard.  It's true.  It's great fun. Except it stops being fun when you crash and get booboos.  Then it gets ouchey-wawa. 
The image below is actually not from longboarding.  It's from a kitchen knife.  I had eight stitches.  The funny thing is that it hurt less than the road rash does.

It hurt pretty bad.  All those nerve endings are sensitive.  

I'm so hardcore.

At least I wore a helmet.  But if you ever decide to longboard, knee and elbow pads and gloves come recommended.
I got my sexy face too.  I'm wondering if I'll ever have to shave there ever again.

Sorry for the bad resolution on some of the pictures.  I was trying to use our camera and couldn't figure out how to do the focus.  
Maybe someday I'll post a picture of my longboard.  Or maybe a vid of me longboarding. That would be cool.  We'll see I guess.

P.S. Kimber's computer super friends will never surpass Nolan and mine's computing power.  She's too poor for that.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Blistering Heat

This is Kimber.  I'd like to start off the blog by acknowledging Nolan and Devin's absolute supremacy when it comes to computers.  Their set up was horrible, but now it's light years better than mine.  I am still using the computer super-squadron, by the way, though I'm borrowing a friend's computer to type this.

Onward, though, to the main point of today's blog.

It is hot.  Very hot.  Blisteringly hot (like how I worked the title in there?)  We live in Utah, land of few trees and no night life.  There's really no respite from the heat, unless you have air conditioning or a basement.  I'm lucky enough to live in a basement apartment, but still find it necessary to venture out during the day time.  During these rare entrances into the surface world, upon exposure to light and heat I usually strike a pose similar to that of the wicked witch of the west after Dorothy threw water on her.  It's not pretty.  And, unfortunately, I don't have green skin to protect me from the sun's harmful rays, so instead of my normal milky white color, most of my exposed body has turned the color of a stop sign.

Unlike most of the schmucks that live here, I hate warm weather.  Not even hot weather, Just warm weather does me in.  Hot weather is detestable to the point where I literally hibernate given no other alternative, such as a night job, or trees lining the path to my car.  Now that summer is fully upon us, I am left with limited options.  It got up to 95 degrees today, a fairly regular reading for this area, and it doesn't look as if the weather's going to change any time soon.

So I have formulated a number of plans in solution to this.  I'll outline them for you here:
  1. Contract Leukemia.  Hospital rooms are air conditioned, have cable, and are super clean.  In addition, one gets to consume a lot of Popsicles during chemotherapy.  The only tough part would be to fully recover by October.
  2. Fake my own death.  My parents are looking into buying a family mausoleum, which would be easy enough to get out of at the end of summer (I'm not up to the sort of thing the Bride had to do in Kill Bill Vol. 2), and would stay plenty cool, what with being insulated with two and a half feet of marble.  The downside would be paranoia, night tremors twenty-four hours a day, and cold feet.  The upside would be blissful silence, and an almost certain spoiling rotten of me when my bereaved family finds I'm not dead after all and wants to show me how much they love me before it's too late.  Again.
  3. Move to Alaska.  I'm not really sure if it's still snowing up there or not, but I'd get to see polar bears, it'd be a lot cooler than here, and I might be courted by a Charlie Chaplinesque fellow (from The Gold Rush) while working on my super-dangerous yet extremely-high-paying job as a fisher woman.
  4. Create a bio-dome that covers the valley.  I came up with this plan many a summer ago when I thought I was going to die while marching on sizzling asphalt in 115 degree heat in a wool suit while playing an unwieldy instrument.  Just before I passed out and was pulled off the street by the anti-spanking pamphlet dudes, it occurred to me that we weren't taking full advantage of living in a valley.  I spent the rest of the summer drawing up blueprints for a huge contact-like structure that would sit on top of the mountains and provide a blissfully balmy climate for all valley residents.  I was a little dismayed to find that The Simpsons Movie used the same gimmick, but as a method of entrapment from the outside world, rather than as a respite from it.
Those are all the ideas I have for now, but don't be surprised if, in desperation, I find some way to not only reverse global warming (my butt) (my butt there even is global warming, not my butt that I'll ever be able to stop it.  I think Al Gore is a joke, and I've crossed Win a Nobel Prize off my life list because if they're going to hand the things out to whoever makes a movie out of a slide show and then sells in in ridiculously impractical packaging claiming it's "environmentally friendly", then I don't want one), but bring on a new little ice age, similar to the one that took place in the 14th century (Google it, it's pretty cool).

P.S. No, you stick it Nolan and Devin, someday I will have a computer more powerful than the energizer bunny.  Then we'll see who's laughing.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

New computer now so stick it Kimber

So before Kimber mentioned that even though her computers sucked hard they were still better than what the two brothers(me and Nolan) had to use.  Well she's a liar.  LIAR!!  
Well, liar since we got a new Mac about a week ago. 
 
Sexy.
Very Sexy.

Nolan forked out 1990.37 for this piece of heaven.  
Below is our old computer that our family uses.  It really does suck balls.
This is Nolan playing Guitar Hero.
It's a fun game.


Thursday, June 12, 2008

sexy ghosts spotted

Hi this is Nolan. Devi's Brother. I was told to write a blog every once in a while even though i cannot write.  This is a big handicap of mine. I do not expect sympathy though. I brought this weakness on myself for goofing around in school all my life, instead of paying attention.

A strange occurance has come to the Renshaw house, it's a phenomenon that only happens once a thousand years. And no it's not the fact that a sexy ghost appeared in my room like the tital states... it's the fact that we actually made friends that do crap with us.  The Renshaw blood line is known for not making friends, it is a tradition that has run through our history for thousands of years. my ancestors got their wives by hitting them over the heads, dragging them into the bushes and showing off their amazing sensual bliss skills. which was so amazingly heavenly that the woman bitch could not resist the young Renshaws charm.  But we broke tradition and now we go in round abouts with our dork friends that we steal money from.   
video

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

In My Defense

This is Kimmy, or Kimber, that girl that's going to start helping Devin and Nolan with the Time to Wipe the Crack Blog.  I'd like to start off by explaining that the Editing Whore post was supposed to be more than just the title, but my computer is super old, so it wouldn't load anything more than the title before it shut down.  In addition, I'm not sure if it saved it or not, as the computer doesn't support any of the office programs.  I'll try to get the original post loaded sometime this week, but we'll see how that works out.

By the way, this post works because it's being typed on Nolan's brand-spanking-new Mac.  He just bought it, and I mean just barely.  This baby has been out of the box for less than two hours and already we've downloaded some awesome porn, solicited children for sexual abuse online, and written this blog.  Actually all we really did was argue over what the desktop picture should be, and what dashboard widgets to download.  We're cool like that.

I really have nothing else to write about, but I'd like to give a shout-out to my homeboys and girls in the Nerd Night posse.  Those are kind of the only people I know at this point because I'm somewhat of a recluse, and that's about to become much worse with the new Mac.  I'm a mooch, so I'll be using it a lot.

That brings up another subject.  Nolan and Devin need a firewire, and I happen to have an extra one that I don't need.  I bought it in the store for forty dollars, So I asked for thirty.  Then we looked up firewires on Amazon, and found most for ten dollars, and some for as low as ninety-three cents.  So, dear readers, if there are any of you out there, we would like to know how you feel on the matter of me ripping off Nolan and Devin; should I do it or not?

Sincerely, 
Kimber
video

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Me, Kimmy, and Noley

So supposedly starting a couple weeks ago my brother Nolan and my friend Kimber are going to help me co-write this blog so that we can get it back on it's feet. But Kimber has written one post and it's just a title. And Nolan prefers drawing and sleeping to blogging. And he likes to whine a lot too.

This is the creepy man that lives in my potty. That's why he's so greasy looking.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I like to longboard and keep smearing my blood all over the pavement!

Sorry I never posted anything here.  Oh, but now I have put something under the title. Nevermind.  Have a nice day