Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Here's a contest for you!

ok Kimber if I NOLAN am such a loser, I challenge you to a dating contest since you say i suck at relations.

Starting now, whoever gets more dates with different people by the end of the month, wins! My prize will be that you have to streak naked through town,and publish a picture of the incident on our blog.

You write a comment and tell me what your prize is if you win.

If you refuse the challenge, and just bitch like you usually do, and say things like: Well that prove nothing! Your so stupid, you suck at writing!

Then i will write a blog about how you chickened out because you were afraid of losing and admiting your sloppy gross Love for Devin.

Nolan's Unbridled Jealousy

Though Nolan makes a good case for Devin's and my alleged relationship, I am more than able to refute his accusations. Furthermore, I can prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that Nolan is a jealous, lonely little man who only wishes he got along as well with Amber, his (girl)friend, as Devin and I do as regular friends. Eat your heart out law-school junkies, Kimber is about to get judicial on Nolan's ass.

"They always have overly friendly conversations."

Devin and I have friendly conversations because we understand social cues and norms. We have similar interests, and on any given day neither of us smell too badly, so we can make it a full twelve minutes before calling each other a "butt". This is how normal friendships work, Nolan. Take notes.

"They always plan and talk mainly with each other, even though other friends are around like me, robot, or ferret."

A bit of explanation for our non-us readers: robot and ferret are our Nerd Night compadres. Nerd Night is a very sophisticated weekly event with the most intelligent of activities and only the most refined conversations. Onward.

We talk mainly with each other on the subjects only Devin and I are interested in. We've also ignored each other to talk to Robot or Ferret when we didn't have a mutual interest in the subject. Nolan really doesn't come to Nerd Night that often because he's busy not dating Amber, so what he doesn't realize is that the four of us usually spend Nerd Night talking about him and his weird red hair. This is a little awkward for Devin, who has the same red hair, but we compensate by letting him borrow The Office DVDs.

"When kimber is alone she always whispers the name: Devin. (I know! I hid a camera in kimber's room. Don't ask me why, I won't tell you)."

I found that camera in my room. I cut out the shots of me undressing and put in a shot of Nancy Pelosi undressing. I got it off the internet at a political fetish site. The lady had to do something to earn her campaign money. What worries me is that Nolan hasn't said anything about it, but I'm pretty sure he's been drooling over that footage for a month. Maybe he's into that sort of thing. I hope Amber knows.
As to whispering the name Devin, I've been trying to swear less recently, so I've been replacing "damn it" with "Devin". Saying Devin's name also helps me to blame him for everything that goes wrong in my life, which makes me feel better. I find spreading blame around to be a very effective coping skill.

"Devin has a secret stash of kimber pictures under his bed, (that I don't know about)."

Of course Nolan doesn't know about Devin's box of pictures of me, because he's too busy going through his box of Nancy Pelosi pictures. I think there could possibly be some Hillary Clinton ones thrown in there too. Additionally, Amber might have snuck in a few pictures of herself, but I think Nolan used those up that time he had too much fiber and ran out of toilet paper. What Nolan also doesn't know is that the pictures of me are all copies of the same picture, and on the back of that same picture is my film acting resume (first film credit: young girl in The 4th Witness. Sweet Success!). Devin has these because he is my agent and has been working hard for the last nine and a half years to get me my Oscar-winning role. He hasn't quite done it yet, but I'm sure he will. He has gotten me a few roles in some pornos, but I've had to turn those down because of my extreme nudophobia. (This isn't true, I actually have no shame and have shocked my doctor by being butt naked and fully prepared for a physical (most girls apparently hem and haw about lifting their shirt a little so the doctor can listen to their breathing with that cool doctor thingy) the truth is that I wanted more money, and the porno people wanted bigger breasts. It just didn't work out.)

"Devin always allows Kimber to color his works of art even though she sucks at coloring; and usually ruins his art."

This is just a blatant lie. I am awesome at coloring. Sometimes my work has been slightly sub-par because some of my colored pencils suck, but overall I think I'm very good at coloring. Really, it's the only aspect of art I have any real interest in. Nolan just wishes he had my wicked sweet coloring skills. On a side note, I couldn't really work in a dig about Amber in this retort, so I'll just say [in a sing-song, playground voice] "Nolan and Amber, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!"

"Devin always compliments kimber to the Nth degree. He said that she was a better colorer than Amber, This is actually very untrue, Kimber leaves a bunch of white marks when using colored pencil. Amber does not."

I've addressed Nolan's wildly untrue accusations about my coloring skills in my previous statement. As to Devin complimenting me, I'll admit that our friendship is not based solely on insults, but they do comprise at least 60%. For evidence, please see the blog post for September 11, 2008, titled "I thought about deleting The Ghetto Film Contest but I want it to act as a monument to laziness". Additionally, I am a much better colorist than Amber, though I'll admit that she is much better at stalking than I am.

"Well I'm done telling the TRUTH for now, but in the future expect posts on a future wedding."

I think I've satisfactorily shown that the "truth" Nolan is telling is little more than the twisted workings of a deranged mind. I do, however, believe that there will be news of a wedding soon. I've heard Amber's going to propose.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Devin + Kimber= A strange and dangerous relationship.

This is a Nolan;

Today I will talk about what a Nolan usually doesn't talk much about. Kimber's and Devin's love relationship that will never be. I know the future viewers of this blog might deny the facts that have pointed to this majestic awkward possibility; (sense my future viewers will probably ONLY be Devin or/and Kimber). However the evidence remains to be disputed:

They always have overly friendly conversations.

They always plan and talk mainly with each other, even though other friends are around like me, robot, or ferret.

When kimber is alone she always whispers the name: Devin. (I know! I hid a camera in kimber's room. Don't ask me why, I won't tell you).

Devin has a secret stash of kimber pictures under his bed, (that I don't know about).

Devin always allows Kimber to color his works of art even though she sucks at coloring; and usually ruins his art.

Devin always compliments kimber to the Nth degree. He said that she was a better colorer than Amber, This is actually very untrue, Kimber leaves a bunch of white marks when using colored pencil. Amber does not.

Well I'm done telling the TRUTH for now, but in the future expect posts on a future wedding.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Nolan and Devin go on an adventure in the park.

Yes, Nolan and I went to the park to film a music video to a song that we don't have the rights to. It was great fun except for the fact that Nolan was being a homebody the whole time and eventually we didn't get enough footage for our video, so that sucks and is awesome at the same time. Stay attentive though since one day we will finish that music vid and maybe post it up here if we feel like it. But other than that experience I have nothing to tell all you dear readers. I do have something to show though, since this is a Show and Tell blog(whatever that means, I just made it up). Its me and Nolan voyeuring in on some unlucky couple and we have a nice conversation in the background. Turn up the sound and I hope you like. video

Friday, September 19, 2008

Technology Actually Makes it Harder to Pick Out the Crazy People

I was walking through campus today, and I saw a crazy man. Mind you, it took me three minutes to identify him as such, which is disturbing, because he was talking to himself the whole time. This wasn't distracted muttering (of which I'm often guilty), this was heated argument with self. Even more surprising is that it was on the BYU campus, which is a religious school full of clean-cut over-achievers whose only goals are to get a spouse and a degree, in that order. We don't get a lot of crazies at BYU, at least not the kind that talk to themselves.

The main point of this anecdote is not that I saw a crazy man--I see that every time I visit Nolan--but that because of technology, I didn't know he was a crazy man. The problem was that the guy was wearing headphones, so I thought maybe he had an attachment for his cell phone, or something, but then I realized that they were just headphones, nothing more. There was no microphone involved. He really was talking to himself, but I'd almost let it go by as a cell phone conversation.

I hope, dear reader, that you realize the devastating implications this has for our society. We will no longer be able to differentiate between those that are sound of mind and those that are lacking any semblance of reason. Maybe the other people talking to themselves have really just been way, way ahead of the trends and started buying blue tooths (blue teeth?) back in 1968. Maybe that dude taking a dump on your lawn is really just downloading unnecessary files. Maybe the bag lady on the corner is really just holding an ever increasing collection of thumb drives and portable hard drives that have her Pulitzer prize winning rants saved on them. Maybe that homeless guy on the corner asking you for change really needs it to melt down and create a new conductor for his time machine. That sounds like something from Back to the Future. Really though, wasn't Back to the Future the first warning of this happening? Doc spends the entire movie running around with a high schooler looking for garbage to feed his car and himself. Sounds like a standard crazy hobo to me.

There's only one solution for this, and we all know what it is. We need to round up all the nutters and interrogate them to find out what the future of technology is. That way we can beat the Russians to the moon.

Here's a picture.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

AMBER!!!!

This is Kimber. Here is the wonderful letter I wrote for Nolan to give to his girlfriend Amber, because he wanted to break up with her but had a hard time doing it. I thought it was a work of art, but apparently Nolan wanted to do the "mature" thing and break up with her face to face, so we still have the letter.


By the way, I don't think breaking up with her face to face really worked, because she still hangs out with him, brings him food, and stands way too close to him when they're talking. Good luck getting out of that, Nolan.

I don't really have much else to say, except that I still have a lot of homework to do and a couple of reports to write for my work. Man, I'm going to be up all night.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

A post about monsters and psychology

Apologies for postponing posting the note to Amber. I was seriously going to do it tonight. Nolan decided to invite her over though and that destroyed all my plans(she's still here too). No joke: I was scanning her envelope to the note into the computer when she strutted through the door, wouldn't leave and invited her friend Holly over. Then Nolan went to bed and left me to be the bad host. I'm stuck with two girls who are boring as hell and won't go home. They think that we're going to do something "fun". Well. Amber is coloring a picture I drew. I don't think she is as good as Kimber but she's still decent. Here it is.


Here is also another page from my notes. This time it's from Psychology. Please click.


P.S. I promise I will get the amber post up soon. Wait we haven't even told you about Amber and Nolan yet. You have no idea what I'm talking about what I mention "the note to Amber" and other such drivel. He he he. Your in for something awesome. Stay tuned.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I need a digital camera

This is Devin again. Apparently Kimber was really hurt over the last post that I posted. Sorry Kimber.

Anyways, I need a camera. If anyone wants to donate then please do it. I just want a way to post some art online and having a camera is the easiest and sleaziest way to do it. Eventually I'll save up and buy one myself. Or I could ask for one as a birthday/christmas present. And just so everyone knows, Kimber did offer me a kinda crappy little camera to hold me over until I upgrade. I may take her up on that.

So I'm not going to The John Whites concert. Because Nolan is a tikey baby and needs to get up at five tomorrow, and I don't want to go alone with Amber. She's dangerous. So it's just me and even though I know full well how much of a loser bum I am I don't want everyone else to know too. That's why I'm staying home.

Here's another page from my notes. This one is also from Graphic Novel class and is also making fun of butt teacher. Click to behold it's full glory.

Thanks for the Vote of Confidence

Wow guys, I feel super great about myself now. Thank you. Thanks a lot.

This is Kimber, by the way.

I thought about deleting The Ghetto Film Contest but I want it to act as a monument to laziness

It's true. I just about deleted it. I still might. If you want to read the six posts that exist on that blog then you better do it fast. (read the last posts on it here and here)

True story:
The Ghetto Film Contest was started because Kendy and Butt Brother both were quitters and didn't want to help me make a movie. So I created the Ghetto Film Contest on a whim (that Kimber originally had) to see if there was a cool indie film scene in Provo just waiting to happen. Then I gave up too since it was obvious that The Ghetto Film Contest was never going to happen.

This is why it's a lasting monument to laziness.


The queer thing is that I think Kimber and Nolan are actually pretty good students when it comes to school (Kimber may deny this). They both do all their homework and expect grades. Although Kimber does sluff a lot. Kimber is also always planning her life around what her family wants her to do. I think she secretly likes them more than she lets on. So in short Kimber and Nolan do have a lot of stuff to do that they actually get done. Except for anything fun. Kimber and Nolan don't believe in fun. Especially if it's something super awesome like spending three hours making a movie. Then they definitely have zero time or motivation. I don't know about them but doing fun movies and art stuff is all I want to do in the future. If I have to work at a dead end job for the rest of my life I'll ask someone to kill me. Maybe I'll ask Kimber to poison my soup or run me over. She wouldn't do it though, she probably would postpone it until I decide that I actually want to live. Jerk.

If you can't tell I'm a little annoyed with life. I'm not sure why. I think it's just because I dug up the past right now and dredged up old feelings. Although Kimber hasn't changed since the Ghetto Film Contest. Neither has Nolan. They're both the same people they have always been. I think I need to make some new friends.

When Kimber and Nolan read this I'm sorry and you can write an angry post in response. It'll make you feel better.

So there is a band show this Thursday(tomorrow) and I am going along with my brother and his ex girlfriend Amber. Do not fret dear reader, we shall tell you all about Amber in another post specially dedicated to her. We'll probably write it tomorrow. Let's get back to the topic. The show this thursday is going to have a band playing called The John Whites. You may have heard of them if you live in the Provo/Orem area. They're pretty good. So go.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

"i can't afford anything nice"-so i buy shit you'll break anyway

This is Nolan

My father always had a stupid saying: It went "we can't buy anything nice, because you kids always break it!" This saying went for computers, cars, chairs, vases, and other things like that. when I was a kid I didn't realize that my father never bought anything nice anyway... everything he did buy was cheep and brittle, so obviously it would break without much effort.

when we got older the things we had still broke. My dad would say something lame like: "i hope you earn a lot of money when you move away cause you're an unskilled potential hazard!" I now realize that it wasn't me or my family but it was the termite filled couches about 100 years old in our living room. Or it was the out of date computers without the latest spam software installed. Or it was the 10 some odd cars in our driveway that all cost less then 600 bucks and broke down after a week of purchase. The car I have now moans and groans and refuses to go over 30 mph. I hate it, it's not my baby, I call it the f word when driving on the highway.

Luckily I've broken from my dads cheep chain. I bought a computer with my own money, i've had it about two or so months. It's Awesome with no flaws so far! I'm also going to buy a car soon to replace the clunker sleeping in my driveway. I'm looking forward to the day where i don't break down on the freeway anymore.

Soon I'll buy some new friends to replace my useless cheep old ones. sorry Kimber you were great for a while but i'm sure some kid at D.I. will love you tender.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Forks and Spoons

Do you believe that forks are evolved from spoons?

I believe that forks evolved as the natural balance to spoons. You see, knives can be counted as an implement, a weapon, and a toothpick, so they needed no one. However, spoons existed on their own, serving their purpose without really fulfilling their potential. Just as the sun has the moon, men have women, and tootsie pops have those chocolaty-chewy centers, the spoon needed the fork to come into it's own as an eating and cooking utensils. Forks co-evolved to fill this need.

I tried to write this in response to a random question that blogger posited me when I was trying to update the profile to include all three of us instead of just Devin, but apparently the answer can only be 400 characters long. So I just put it here instead. Enjoy.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Nothing

I really have nothing to say, I just thought I'd write something since Nolan and Devin are showing me up so badly. By the way, Nolan, we really only make fun of you because you don't write that often. You should actually be jealous of Devin for starting the blog and be trying to snatch away all the attention you can. That's how it'd be if my sisters and I were writing a blog together, though in our family the number of Christmas and birthday presents are directly proportional to the amount of attention one relieves. I usually win because I write letters to my relatives, while my sisters are usually busy with gym or their boyfriends or having an actual life, or something like that.

I do have some good news in that I have an interview tomorrow for a scriptwriting position at KBYU. That's pretty sweet, even if it is just the BYU station. However, the BYU television office is on the extreme outskirts of town, so I might not have an interview at all, but instead just have some creepy dude posing as a television executive so he can lure young women out to remote locations to rape and maul them, then feed him to his dogs. That scenario got out of hand there, and now I'm kind of scared. If no one hears from me after Tuesday night it means I've become the outlet to a sick fetish, and I'm now literally dog meat. Come save me. Please.

Since I have an interview tomorrow I probably shouldn't be up this late dinking around on a blog that nobody reads, but I didn't want to be outdone by Nolan and Devin. Stupid redheads with their stupid jobs that give them stupid money so they can buy stupid Macs. I take that back, Macs aren't stupid; they're awesome. Someday when I'm thirty-two I might have enough saved up to buy a mac for myself. Even then I'll most likely have to buy one second hand.

I've run out of things to say that aren't the standard complaints about school, work, and poverty in general. I could also complain about the fact that people keep getting married without telling me so when I invite them to something they reply with a "oh, I'm sorry, I have to whisper sweet nothings into my spouse's ear that night", to which I can only go "wha--?" I sound like an idiot, but they're the ones whispering sweet nothings.

Here's a joke:

What's the difference between an English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
The English actuary can tell you how many people will die in a given year, the Sicilian actuary will tell you their names.

I was going to write out a more humorous one, but I got lazy all of a sudden.

Here's a picture:



It's my sister back when she was cute. Just kidding, she still is, just in a more grown up way.

And now, Goodnight.

I don't believe in my friends; (they think they're God)

This is Nolan

Ok number one, I have a few complaints on the last four blogs i viewed. If your gonna use my name as a joke make it a new and original one. old jokes are... well... OLD! Number two: Devin said the word period in the last post and it made me squirm. number three: Kimber and Devin suck! (I have no evidence for the last part but take my word for it)

Here's me bitching... Why the hell do you guys have more posts with my name as a tag then anything else? I hardly write in this Blog because I can hardly write! my baby brother Devin is the one who started this blog in the first place. He should be the center of attention, not me. I feel like Strong Bad in Homestar Runner.

Now i'm all out of energy thanks to you guys! I hope your happy! Next time I won't address these issues and leave you in the dust like I'm trying to do with my girlfriend. (Btw if you have any helpful tips to break up and make her think she's the bad guy post a comment below)....:)

Junk, God, and Wabbits

This is Devin once again. I find that recently I've been wanting to blog more and more since I got a new macbook. Sorry Kimber and Nolan if I'm taking all the limelight and not letting you have some. Oh wait, we don't have any readers so yeeeaaah.

That was weird. So right now I'm at work again. I'm working the shift where you stay up all night and watch movies or television shows the whole time. It's pretty slick. Except for the being constantly tired all night, this shift rocks my socks. It's also the shift where I bring homework to work and don't do it. That's because I like to stick it to the man. Eat that Psychology! And Biology! I can just look at the chapter summary and pass the class anyways! In your face!!

At about one 'o' clock one of my clients notoriously emerged from his bedroom with no pants on. Male genitalia is so nasty. It's like God just slapped us together real quick so he could spend more time on the female body. Although girls do have periods. I'm guessing Mrs. God didn't really help out in the whole human creation thing. She was probably having too much fun designing bunny rabbits or something. I figure Mrs. God made a deer then for whatever reason God got mad and created bears and mountain lions. That sounds about right. And after the human race proved themselves stupid beyond all hope, God created mosquitos. That's my creation theory. Take it or leave it.

I also believe that when Nolan was born the heavens above parted while beautiful sunlight shone down, and at this moment in time God gazed down with all his glory and said, "Oops".

This is a picture of a monster rabbit that really exists. When I first saw this picture I thought it was definitely fake. Then I found out that it was real. Cool story huh?


This is another picture of either the same bunny or another huge one.


This is a normal bunny wabbit.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Dale the manager

is a turd. Why is Dale such a turd you ask? Because he sucks at managing. He decides to put his name down for a shift then not show up. Then Johnny calls Devin since Dale doesn't give any forward notice to anyone that he's going to sluff work. Then Devin comes to work and has to waste his saturday away working with a bunch of disabled people. Yeah, that's right. I'm at work right now writing this post on my sexy new macbook. It's ok that I have to work, it's not like I was going to do anything anyways. But it's still saturday. Poor me.

Anyways, new macbook. That's what I thought. I ordered it online and the stork brought it yesterday. I'm already in love. I also ordered an ipod touch but that hasn't arrived yet. I did the school deal where you buy a discounted mac and get an ipod for free. Pretty sweet no? And yes I am going to school. I already said that in previous posts. Sheesh.

Sorry that there's no picture today. I'm too lazy to get one. But here is a link to an awesome video that Kimber, Nolan and I all made together for a 24 hour film marathon.

I want sushi. That sounds really good right now.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Wiener Graphic Novel Teacher

First I have to say that my Graphic Novel Class is as gay as a sorority party where only men are invited. This is Devin again. Kimber, me, and this kid named Jarret are all in this Graphic Novel class where the teacher sucks butt. Today he over analyzed a crappy little comic based on the Batman Begins movie and came up with the idea that Bruce Wayne was abused as a child by his father. Gay. I also have to say that my teacher is a closet child molester who likes to get done up the ass. He also makes us do 20 minute oral presentations (like Monica on Bill) on a comic of our choice. So that sucks. Oh wait, I'm not done. We also have to do two papers that are five to twenty pages. Waah! This is supposed to be a fun class with comic books! Not another gay English class! Why are we reading Understanding Comics! Here's another question, why aren't we reading anything by Will Eisner or Frank Miller? Aren't they comic legends? What the Fudge! Mother Ucker! Atleast we're reading something by Alan Moore. Here's a page from my notes the second day of Graphic Novel hell.



Take note of the picture in the upper left. That's my teacher. It says"I like to rape little children" and in class he actually told us to "close your eyes, just do it". He'th tho gay. Click on the picture to get a better view, just do it.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Ripped Stitches and Silverfish

Pretty introductions aside, where the hell is Nolan? I mean, it's like he doesn't care about the thousands upon thousands of people that read our blog each and every day, like he doesn't value their support...oh, wait. We have no readers other than ourselves. Poo. Hold on, Nolan, I'm soon to join you in complete lack of interest in our blog.

Anywho. I have a considerable number of moles spread across my body. I don't mind them, I consider them to be tiny quirks that add interest to an otherwise uniteresting body, but almost everyone else, including my mother, my doctor, and my philosophy professor thinks they're tiny warning signs of cancer. Technically all those people are right, because I've had a few moles removed before, and the results came back as pre-cancerous. I really don't worry about it that much because I think the odds are strongly in favor of my moles procrastinating as much as I do, in which case they'll never get around to becoming fully cancerous, but instead will hover on that tiny little "pre" until they realize they will never accomplish anything and decide to give up on all productive endeavors and concentrate only on the number of movies they watch per day. How's that for long sentences? Eat your heart out, Virginia Woolf!

On a side note, I think I speak in stream of consciousness (ask your English teacher), which is the main reason why my friends have such trouble keeping up with what I'm talking about. Exacerbating things is the fact that if I'm not speaking or listening I'm usually continuing on the conversation in my head, and may, at any moment, continue it outloud without realizing that the listener (if any) has not been privy to the previous four minutes of conversation. It causes problems. I would work on it, but I'm too lazy.

To continue with the previous story, my mom took me to a dermatologist a little while ago for other skin problems (read: socially horrifying acne), but the doctor looked at a particularly large mole just below my neck and flipped her lid in the most professional sense. So a couple of days ago I let her do the sensible thing and remove the sucker, but now I'm in constant danger of ripping the stiches open. It wouldn't be that bad if I did, I could tell people I took a bullet for the Dalai Lama, but it might just be easier to not have the scar in the first place, so I've been going to considerable effort to completely immobilize my right arm, not an easy feat considering I'm right handed.

The real kicker is that in ten days I'm due to go back and have several more moles removed and undergo a full body check to find any other possibly dangerous characters loitering on my skin. When that happens I'll probably be unable to stretch any bit of skin on my body for fear of ripping stiches. I might steal a wheel chair, or even request a full body cast in order to invoke the most amount of pity possible. I imagine the conversation to go like this:

Concerned Friend: Kimber, you're covered in bandages and unable to move more than a little at a time, oh, whatever could be the matter?

Pitiful Kimber: Nothing, nothing, you don't want to hear about my suffering, tell me about the baby you just had.

CF: There's nothing to tell, just a pruney lump of poop-machine that crys. The real question is about you. Are you alright?

PK: I'm sure it's nothing, I just happen to be covered in a series of pre-cancerous, hyper-pigmented bits of skin.

CF: Pre-cancerous? You poor darling!

PK: And the local anesthetic is wearing off. Ow. Ow.

CF: There must be something I can do to help, I know, I'll make you breakfast.

PK: I don't like pancakes.

CF: Of course, I forgot your completely logical dislike of foods that are both fluffy and flat. How about I just sell my first born and buy you a 1966 Signal Flare Red Ford Mustang?

PK: It's still at the pooping stage, better wait and let it increase in value.

CF: Such calm thinking while in such pain. You are truely to be admired.

PK: How about you just do my homework for me?

CF: Nothing would please me more! Why don't I go to classes for you and take notes so you have more time to eat chocolate and watch movies?

PK: Whatever. Read the first four chapters and summerise for Philosophy, then write a five page essay on the impossibility of altruistic action.

CF: You're so cool.

PK: And don't bring your baby over when you drop off the work, that kid is ugly.

Ah, if only that were the world I inhabited. The one I really live in has a up-stairs neighbor with debris on her porch which is causing an infestation of silverfish. The trouble is she's taken to being home even when her car isn't there, so there's no safe time for me to sneak upstairs and hose off her porch without her surprising me and asking what I'm doing, in which case, due to my brutal honesty, I'll be forced to tell her that she's a crappy gardner, and due to her I'm stuck with a dead lawn, sucker trees growing up through the sidewalk, crap and garbage in the dog run, and enough dead plant material to fill approximately 12.7 large volume compost bins. That knowledge might drive her to some sort of self harm, so I'll just wait till she moves out, which should be sometime this week.

Here is a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio which my sister has saved on her computer for some reason under the file Pretty Celebrity People. Apparently she has a crush. Too bad the guy is in his thirties and still hasn't hit puberty.



That is all.