Friday, October 2, 2009

Where the Hell is Devin?

Kimber speculates.

Though started as an individual venture by Devin, Time to Wipe the Crack quickly became a group effort, with the responsibilities for it shared between Devin, Nolan, and Kimber. However, Nolan in effect died by joining the navy, so it's just been Devin and Kimber for a while. Alert readers will notice however, that Devin hasn't posted in more than a month. Where has he gone? What is he doing? Why does he apparently not have an internet connection? In order to better answer these questions and more, a few different scenarios will now be offered. We (now just Kimber) invite the readers to vote on which they think is the most likely.

Scenario Goosefoot
Devin was directed to finish the job of slaughtering his chickens by finding the one errant meat hen that was hidden amongst the laying hens. His search lead him to a series of clues which has taken him to Siberia, where he now is in the process of interrogating a very lost and very confused duck.

Scenario UVU Rocks
Devin couldn't take the pressure created by the hulking institution of BYU anymore, so he developed a plan to take down the University himself. The first stage of this plan is very similar to the last scene of Inside Man (Spoiler Alert!), in that he is now hiding behind a false wall, pooping in a little hole he dug and eating granola bars. He just has to wait for Denzel Washington to go by so that he can set in motion a chain of events that will take the home of the cougars down.

Scenario Butt
Devin doesn't eat enough fiber. Enough said.

Scenario Sibling
Biddle has taken Devin hostage in a desperate attempt to establish himself as the most favorite child. Nolan was in the navy, and Larissa was busy doing troll things, but other than that all the Renshaw children are currently locked in the chicken coop, hoping that Joselyn will acquiesce to Biddle's requests before the worst happens.

1 comment:

  1. Let me point out a couple of flaws in your arguments against me.
    numba 1: I know exactly where the surviving meat hen is. She is in our yard and steals all the food from the other hens. She is going to be thanksgiving dinner.
    number 2: I don't have any real personal vendetta against BYU. I never went to school there. All my knowledge of the assiness within is from anecdotal stories from friends and strangers.
    number 3: Devin doesn't eat enough fiber. Oh wait. That was what you said already. ok this is probably right... moving on.
    number 4: Biddle-bakes already knows he is the favorite child. Everyone that has ever come into contact with him immediately falls in love with him as if he was magic.
    that is all
    -Devin, bitches