PARTY TIME!! (also known as unwanted rape-age)

So Texas here is sometimes really boring. I know all the proud Texans would Disagree and intelligently say: "NU-UH TEXAS IS THE BEST! WE HAVE THE BIGGEST EVERYTHING ANYONE WOULD EVER WANT!!! THIS INCLUDES GIRLS!!!!!" But I still say Texas is sometimes boring.

To cure this boredom I either watch one of my uncles movies, or I play Left 4 Dead on his computer. I've gotten pretty good at that game, In fact I am a well known Deity in the Left 4 Dead "world." People worship me, I have had shrines built in Awesome Opossum's (my Online name) honor. But there are some days I really suck, like the one time I was getting "Party timed" by my cousin and my brother. The phrase: Party time, means to have two homo's dance up and down and in a third unwanted party's face. After The dancing goes for about a minute or two Inappropriate caressing occurs for instance... never mind the details are too horrific to mention. The third and final step includes ME GETTING RAPED IN LEFT 4 DEAD, my team then calls me a noob and I now have emotional scars that will never heal. The Shrines Built to Awesome Opossum are now desecrated, the statues are pulled down, no more Graven images of me are available. The gift shops are gone I am reduced to a noob.

So in an ironic sense hen you're raped in the the real world you're raped in the cyber world

I Am Spartacus

Kimber tells about her new dog.

Over the weekend my family got a dog. We haven't had one since I was in ninth grade, which was back in 2000. Now I feel old. Anywho, here's our new puppy.



Just kidding, that's one of the MGM lions. Here's what our dog really looks like.





We named him Spartacus, not from the movie 300, but from the Stanley Kubrick film Spartacus. It's a pretty good movie. If you've seen it, you'll be able to laugh that his collar actually says "I Am Spartacus". It's pretty sweet.

Spartacus is a very smart dog. He's learning things fast, though he gets a little too excited about it. We got him a doggie bed, which he looks adorable on. I'm very happy with him. That is all.

For Your Gee-Whiz Collection

Some assorted facts collected by Kimber.

There are fewer than ten cars for every thousand people in India, as compared to forty cars for every thousand in China, and four hundred and fifty cars for every thousand people in the US.

A pearl will completely dissolved if immersed in vinegar.

The average number of sesame seeds on a hamburger bun is ninety-six.

Tigers have striped skin along with striped fur.

Duck-billed platypuses have no nipples.

In the seventeen hundreds, people used to take pills made of pulverized mummies, believing that this would grant them long life.

Flossing daily increases a person’s life expectancy by about fifteen years.

Little kids don’t like spicy food because their taste buds have not thinned yet. Adults have less taste buds than children do, and so enjoy more flavorful food.

Scientists now believe that there is a fifth taste. The first four are sweet, sour, salty, and bitter. The fifth is called “umami”, and refers to meatiness, relish, or savoriness.

75% of people make up three-fourths of the population.

Rigor mortis goes through the body from head to toe, and leaves the same way as well.

Ancient Etruscans bathed by dousing themselves in olive oil, and then scraping it off. Obviously, perfume was a very popular product with them.

Bats are the only mammals that can fly (flying squirrels only glide).

Platform shoes were first used in the middle ages by the wealthy in order to elevate themselves above the refuse in the streets.

Up until the 1920s, pink was a boys’ color.

If an engagement is broken, who keeps the ring is determined by who initiated the break-up. If the girl dropped the boy, she gives the ring back. If the boy dumps the girl, the girl keeps the ring.

Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots.

Honey is actually regurgitated nectar, or bee barf.

Mammaries are actually modified sweat glands; milk is just especially nutritious sweat.

There are 110 dimples on a golf ball.

The first food to be microwaved was chocolate. It was an accident, and lead to the development of the microwave oven.

Pool-Time Fun

Kimber reports an awesome occurrence.

Since I am an unabashed mooch, I always travel with my sister when she goes to her gym meets. This last weekend she went to Phoenix, Arizona, where her team took first place at the Hard Rock Meet. That means they won a Fender electric guitar, which was really cool until I found out that I was the one who had to carry it around for the rest of the weekend. It made me look like a rock star, until I dropped it on my foot and cried like a baby.

The main point of this post though, is to write about the amazing thing I saw which Devin hinted about. Since we had four other relatives coming to see Karina compete we got a really big hotel suite in a really nice resort. My grandpa had to sit through three hours of some horrible lady trying to sell him a time share in order for us to get the major discount which allowed us to book the place, but he slept through most of it anyway, so it was okay. As my mom was showing us all the nice features of our suite (mega-huge bathtub, full range of cable, sweet gift basket, etc.), she pointed out that there were two separate pools; a family pool which had water-slides but was only open during the day, and an adult pool which was smaller, but stayed open all night.

When I looked out the window I found that there were people using the adult pool. For sex. I wasn’t sure initially if they were really doing it, or just humping each other, but a second look confirmed that they were naked and connected in an intimate manner. I was shocked enough that I forgot/didn’t care that my mom, my little sister, and my grandparents were in the room. I pointed and yelled “Are they? They are!”, thus properly drawing attention to the situation, then threw open the window and hollered “Oh, baby! Get it on!” The couple pulled apart immediately, but didn’t leave the pool. They just stared up at us like I was the weird one.

My mother was scandalized by this whole event. She yelled at me every time I burst out laughing for no reason for the rest of the weekend, because I was usually laughing at what she thought I was laughing at. My grandparents thought the incident was funny, but wouldn’t let on because they didn’t want to be a bad example for their grandchildren. I later caught my Nana giggling over it with my Great Aunt Peggy though, so I know I’m not the only one who thought it was funny.

P.S. Yes, I did almost immediately text everyone I knew to tell them that I saw people having sex in a pool.

P.P.S. Devin, you’re the one who left us, and you’re the one who wanted this blog to stay fairly clean. You’re the poo-bah in this situation.

No love

So now that I Devin am in Texas, Kimber has revealed to me the knowledge that I am dead to everyone who lives in Utah.

So I would like to tell all you Kimber followers to suck on this bitches. Thank you.

A hairy trucker saw my ass

This is Devin. I am now in Texas. We made it safely despite our best attempts to commit suicide via teasing Nolan while he was driving. The roadtrip took three days since we took one day off driving to rest in Mesa with our cousin Alice, Cody(her husband, Wesley and her wonderful little daughter Eva that loves to scream and cry at 12:00 at night.
At one point on the road some lucky trucker souls saw mine and Lincolns naked butts when we decided to have some fun. But other than that the trip was mostly unexciting.
I know that Kimber has something awesome that she needs to post about but I won't say anything until she puts it up here.
Also my uncle has the most ultimate collection of horror movies that I have ever seen. And the weather is like 70 degrees. nice.

Getting Started in Life, Or Not

Kimber apologizes.

I’m sorry that I haven’t written in a while. You see, I usually write for the blog during one of the many classes I am disinclined to pay attention in. However, I have started to solve the problem of disinterest by not going to class at all. This has been detrimental to my grades though, so I’ll probably be writing again more as I go to class more. Onward.

Devin is another in a long series of my friends who are abandoning me to live their lives. This is overdramatic and untrue; I haven’t really been abandoned, but a lot of my friends are moving on to other things. I have no girl friends left, as they’ve all gotten married and are now busy enjoying marital bliss (they say they want to stay friends, but they’re never around to do anything, rarely return calls, and generally can’t be depended on because no matter how far in advance you make plans with them, if their husbands feel uncomfortable, or if their other married friends call them up to go Tupperware shopping, they ditch you in a snap). All my guy friends are quickly being sucked away by the navy, marriage (the same complaints apply to married guys, except you can’t talk to them at all because their wives get jealous), and an aimless desire to move. Devin, that last one is you.

I actually sympathize with most of these people, as we’re all at the age where people expect our lives to be starting. Most of the people I know are actually successful at this, but the few of us that have no specific ambition in life, or no clear way to get there, are in a terrible bind. Especially since we live in Utah. Really, Utah is not the place to aimlessly ramble through life. So I guess I understand why Devin is moving away, and I support his desire to find someplace better to while away his time, but I’m still just a teensy resentful, because his leaving means one less friend that I get along with.

On a different, but related tangent, my mom is trying really hard to get me married. She’s constantly trolling around for boys to set me up with, and keeps asking me when I’m going to start dating in earnest. I thought my mom was cool with me taking my time and making my own decisions, but ever since high school graduation I’ve learned over and over again that that’s not the case. This is another symptom of adults expecting people my age to get their lives started. Too bad there’s no graceful way to say that my life probably won’t be fully started until I’m thirty-five.

Important announcement

This is Devin. I have something to tell you people that I may have a problem saying vocally or in person. I usually have problems with just coming out and saying things so here I go.

I'm moving to Texas.

And I'm moving road trip style this Sunday. Don't ask me why I'm doing it since I'm not exactly sure if I have a reason. Don't try to convince me to stay since i've made up my mind. Don't try to cry since i'm not worth it. Although expensive parting gifts are welcome.

Nolan is helping me get there but not ultimately staying in Utah for the time being.

I got two things left to say. Firstly, Grant here I come prepare thineself. Second typing on iPod touch is a slow and arduos process.
I will still post stuff on this blog from Texas. Bye