Wednesday, May 20, 2009

One Sentence Summaries

Sometimes you just don’t want to read a required book for a class. Sometimes even the Cliffsnotes are too long. Sometimes literature just isn’t worth the effort it takes to experience it. In that spirit, here is a list of one-sentence summaries of some of the canon’s most vaulted books.

Oh yeah, spoiler alert. Some of these sentences will give away the book. You’ve been warned.

Lord of the Flies: Little naked boys kill each other.

The Good Earth: A man is poor, then rich, then poor, then rich, then poor, then rich, then dead.

As I Lay Dying: Poor white trash have a funeral and go crazy.

The Road: The world has ended, so a boy and his father take a walk.

My Antonia: Jim is obsessed with Antonia, but doesn’t have the balls to ask her out, so he settles for a lifetime of stalking her across the prairie.

A Room of One’s Own: Chicks need money in order to write.

Hamlet: Whiney people aren’t good at vengeance.

Heart of Darkness: Lord of the Flies for grown-ups.

The Scarlet Letter: Humble embroidery doesn’t save Hester from her sin of adultery, especially as she was doing the priest.

Dandelion Wine: A boy’s childhood wrapped in nostalgia and dipped in a dream.

Pride and Prejudice: People argue, but marriage solves all problems.

The Grapes of Wrath: A family goes from broke in Oklahoma to SOL in California.


  1. Watchmen: costumed hero's get pissy and one blows up New York.

    Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead: An Architect gets pissy and builds stuff, has lots of sex.

    fahrenheit 451: The government gets pissy and burns all the books, one man rebels and escapes.

    1984: The world gets pissy and builds a dystopian society, one man rebels and gets brainwashed.

    Anyone else got any?

  2. Where the Red Fern Grows: Boy gets dogs, boy raises dogs, dogs get killed by a combination of depression and a mountain lion.

    Harry Potter I-VII: A boy learns he has the magic power to disregard any rule, get other people killed, bang red-heads, and that Prof. Snape is NEVER guilty.

    The Return of the King: Frodo & Sam get naked, Golem dances into lava with the ring, and there are still 600 pages to go....

    Persepolis: Iran wouldn't suck if it weren't for Iranians.

    To Kill a Mockingbird: A young girl learns why it's better to be white than black in the South.

    I Am Legend: After surviving a plague, one man kicks ass until being betrayed by a bitch.

    Slaugterhouse Five: A war veteran goes insane and reflects on a life he mostly made up.

    The Da Vinci Code: Da Vinci left clues to let the world know Jesus got laid.