Wednesday, April 8, 2009

How to Make a Hollywood Name

Kimber informs.

Everyone knows that a regular name isn't good enough to become a star with. Only people whose parents are crazy enough to give them freak monikers can go into show business with their own names (i.e. Paris Hilton). The rest of us have to rename ourselves before submitting to public scrutiny.

What everyone doesn't know is that there is a simple system to create a Hollywood name, with no need to slave over syllable count and consonant combinations. All you have to do is use your middle name for your first name, and the street you grew up on as your last name. For example, if your full name was William Edward Bunting, and you grew up on Wood Way, you would become Ed Wood. That's not really how Ed Wood got his name, but still, the system works.

For my own amusement, please submit your own celebrity name so I may mock it in private. Also, here's a little tid bit for your growing gee whiz collection: Cary Grant's real name was Archie Leach.

12 comments:

  1. So I would be Craig 300 North? That's just lame Kimber. Your system is broken.

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  2. You're an idiot. You'd be Craig North. You only use the name of the street, not the number on the house.

    Kimber

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  3. I still think it's a lame name. Or maybe I'm just not cut out to be a celebrity?
    Anyways, what's your celeb name?
    -Devin

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  4. You ask for people's celebrity names for personal mockery and fail to provide your own? And Devin, if you want to be Craig 300 North, that's awesome too. You can be C3 for short.
    --Brook Grandview.

    P.S. My other option was Brook Hamblin--which is my actual last name. Yes, the town where I was born actually has a Hamblin Street, so named I guess because it's the street where most of the Hamblins live. It's a small town.

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  5. Hmmm, My name would be Daly Reliance. Sounds more like the brand of an adult diaper than a celebrity.

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  6. I'd be Lynn West, if I used the street where I lived when I was little. I will admit that the system is less cool for people who live on streets made with the grid system.

    Kimber

    By the way, who's Alice hallett?

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  7. Alice! I'm so glad that you are reading our blog. Did Grant tell you about it? Anyways, I hope that you are doing well and keeping all three of your children in line;) Keep reading I will probably post soon!

    To everyone else, Alice Hallett is my cousin who lives in Mesa, Arizona. She is Grant's older sister.

    -Devin

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  8. I'd be Buckley North... btw that is totally NOT a celebrity name!
    guess If I was a celebrity I'd be one like Steve ercle or Rick Moranis

    -nolan

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  9. What makes the above comment even better is that when Nolan was writing it he had to ask me how to spell Buckley. It's HIS middle name.
    -Devin

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  10. That made my day.

    Kimber

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  11. I'm a little late to post here, but...
    Hall Reliance?
    Hall Court?
    Zoran Reliance Court?
    maybe Hollister Courtney?
    Lynn West and Buckley North are better names.

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  12. I have the coolest celebrity name of all: Johanna Lillian Chippewa. Ha! Beat that Lynn West. Although Brysen's name is pretty cool too: sit down to hear this one. Jack Canyon. pretty sweet huh.

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