Sunday, July 20, 2008

Drowning in Junk

I'm drowning in junk. I have too much of it. The problem is that it all has value to me, or I'll feel overwhelmingly guilty if I throw it away. A book from five years ago that I picked up off a "free" pile outside a professor's door might have the seed of an idea that will lead to the greatest play ever written. I played with a card set for years; it would be ungrateful to throw it away. The furby that my grandmother gave me years ago will somehow find its way out of the trash heap and to my grandmother's house where it will proceed to tell her just how much I don't love her because I threw something she gave me away. Those things are really annoying.

I've been sorting through junk all week, and I still have rubbermaid bins full of the stuff. The sad part is that I really wouldn't miss most of it if it were gone, it's just that when I see it I can't bring myself to throw it away. The honest truth is that I dream of fires that will relieve me of my stuff and leave me outside my burning house with nothing more than pjs and my teddy bear. Seriously, before you write me off as crazy, think about it; if your house burned to the ground, you'd get a wicked sweet insurance payment, and you wouldn't have to deal with all of that bothersome memorabilia.

Really though, I've come up with a grand plan for dealing with my stuff. Every time I have to sort it, or move it, or go through it, I get more and more fed up with it, and so more likely to throw it away. Because of this limited amount of patience, I've decided to dedicate one day out of every month towards de-junking. I know the experts say to spend only fifteen minutes at a time working on stuff, but the experts underestimate my temper, and are also full of crap. Hopefully, after three or four months of doing this, I'll lose it completely, pull all my stuff outside, throw it in the yard, and set fire to it myself. This would not only get rid of stuff, but save me from having to get a new house, which my previous dream would have required.

This may be boring to the rest of you, but since it's what I've spent my week doing, it's very important stuff to me. Oh yeah, Nolan and Devin are booger brains.

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