Nolan the awesome guard of the man body; James bond

Nolan here

Recently I watched Casino Royal and Quantum of Solace. I came up with two conclusions about James Bond. One: every woman he has sex with or almost has sex with dies. Two: he's a different actor every three or four movies. I believe the reason for my second observation is because poor James Bond dies from heart break and resurrects in a different form. Due to this situation I have decided to take on the responsibility to become James Bond's body guard.

The job description said that I simply had to defend him from death by heart break, by taking responsibility for his leftovers. I asked what this meant, and M Said that it meant I would constantly hang around James, and after he was through with his orgy doing hot steamy women, I would then take his place for the honer of england, (not america) and assume the "defender" position. (a sensual position that would defend and pleasure them at the same time).

benefits include: free health care, dental, sloppy seconds, all illegitimate children bills payed for by the government, free college, and as a personal request: a personal slave to clean Ferret's mouth for all the dirty stuff he says.